ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

There’s nothing you can do
To keep GOD from loving you
No caustic words you can speak 
No arrogant moments when you fail to be meek
Nothing you can do to deter GOD from HIS desire 
To capture your heart and set it on fire
There’s no place you can travel – nowhere you may hide
That HIS all encompassing Love doesn’t abide
Whether in victory, you’re amazingly gentle and sweet
Or if you’re extremely haughty and malevolent in defeat
HE is always there comforting and encouraging you
Forever present to provide Grace and Mercy too
GOD is never far
Always where you are 
Because there’s nothing you can do
To keep HIM from loving you

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of GOD which is in CHRIST JESUS our LORD. **Romans‬ ‭8:38-39‬ ‭NKJV‬‬**

@beingkwa

STOPPED…

I stopped writing.

Well, I’ve halted the process of sharing via this platform. It has taken me a little over 3 weeks just to compose this piece. My Grandmother’s illness and subsequent passing depleted me. Her profound absence caused me to dutifully sweep my words – my emotions in a pile, silently vacuum them up, and rendered me incapable of offering much. Incoherent, at best, were my thoughts. I had nothing, which as I understand it, would have been just fine to share here. I suppose I could have peppered my entries with incomplete sentences, random thoughts, and ellipses…

My heart aches…

Pray for me…

Why Grandmother…

This sucks…

Why GOD…

Writing has always been cathartic for me. It’s a therapeutic portal through which I’m able to funnel the purity of my heart and express my truth. My Grandmother’s transition to Heaven severely fractured my heart and my truth morphed into a murmur. Inaudible and indistinct and barely above a whisper has been my truth. However, what I know now is that even the faintest of whispers speak. In silence, in solitude, in the still, I’ve found my words.

So, here I am once again.

Speaking.

Writing.

Grieving.

Sharing.

Standing.

And I will try diligently not to stop writing, not to disappear…to show up here and share with you the purity of my heart and my unadulterated truth…even if a whisper is all I have.

Then they cry out to the LORD in their trouble, and HE brings them out of their distresses. HE calms the storm, so that its waves are still. Then they are glad because they are quiet; so HE guides them to their desired haven. Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for HIS goodness, and for HIS wonderful works to the children of men! ~Psalm 107:28-31

My New Is Near!!!

A blank page. At it I stare. Wondering what to share. Oh so much to say. Is today the day? Is today the day? Something nagging…pleading with me. Truth be told. Be bold. Furious am I at yesterday. Why? I chose to stay. In the midst of chaos. Accustomed to dysfunction. To dismiss it all requires gumption. All the years – all the time staying in line. Afraid to shine. Allowing others permission my life to define. Ugh! That’s dumb. Stronger words essential to describe what I know is true. For this venue, dumb will just have to do. Still, not ever again. Not. Ever. Again. My life must now begin. GOD granted me power to decide. To flourish not just survive. To live my life according to HIS plan. To cower to no circumstance. Fear will not prevail. I will persevere. GOD will make a way. My New is near!

Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing. Now it shall spring forth. Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

*Isaiah 43:18, 19*

CHALLENGED…!

I’m often in a position to challenge paradigms…to question fallacies…to dispel archaic methodologies. Friends share. Strangers request an ear. I’m grateful. Humbled. I recognize and honor divine moments, GOD appointed opportunities to listen and to be a proxy, a messenger of GOD’s Truth. Honestly, I’m most comfortable assuming the posture of a giver. I’d rather be the vessel disseminating GOD’s Wisdom, the pourer and not the recipient – the one that enlightens not the vulnerable.

ENTER GOD.

Today, while I was minding my own business, GOD sent an Angel in the form of a very brave Friend to interfere in my normalcy…to dislodge my firm grip on complacency…to usher me to a new level of discomfort…to make me roll my eyes! Ha! No…seriously, to make me think, to call me higher. GOD thought enough of me to instruct my Friend to confront my stagnancy! I was challenged!  

I’m still challenged. Even as I develop this entry, her call to action still resonates, holding my mind and heart captive – her emphatic words begging to be fully digested and not ignored. 

THE POINT.

Sweet Giver, who is GOD sending to challenge you?

Dear Vessel, someone has been commissioned by GOD to shake you loose from your comfort zone.

GOD has something so mind-blowing in store for you…an amazing, weight lifting, soul stirring, anointed, life altering, uncomfortable word of truth crafted just for you!

So, for those of you who are most comfortable giving, open up your heart and your mind, for GOD has a designated appointment with you to lavish upon you what HE desires for you to know! 

Being challenged by GOD is imminent…!

Speak soon! 

For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. ~Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV

SHE IS…

She is crazy amazing! I met her years ago.

She makes an indelible impression. She is striking, indeed!

Determined. Resilient. Witty. Diligent. Giving. Loving. A Spitfire.

She does not mince words, and she’s definitely not afraid to unapologetically offer her authentic opinion! Her strength is evident and it empowers me! Once she told me, “You need to get some grit in your crow.” In essence, with one of her original and unique euphemisms, she encouraged me to stop accepting less than from others and to start speaking truth from a place of power. She has modeled this specific attribute since I can recall…never accepting less than the best from others. 

She introduced me to GOD! I watched her worship. I enjoyed witnessing to her praise her SAVIOR. She allowed me to accompany her to revivals and “sangings” (choir concerts…Ha) when I was a child! GOD’s impact on her life, their relationship, her love for HIM is so palpable, so inviting, very beautiful, overwhelmingly attractive. She made GOD real for me! GOD is real to me because of her very special and intimate relationship with HIM! 

I visited her in the rehab hospital a few weeks ago. Though ill, she was in complete control…in charge of her care. I sympathized with her therapists, as she made clear to them what she would and would not do. She has always been in command since I can remember.

In the last few days, the sweet sound of her voice has morphed into low moans and painful squeals. She’s sleeping, resting excessively, as her 84 year old body demands stillness.  We talk every Sunday, and we can’t today, for her words have been quieted. Still, I honor her. I will always honor her! I am…because she is…!

WHO IS SHE?

She is the beautiful matriarch of my family.

She is Rosia Lee Bean.

She is my Grandmother! 

Unforeseen circumstances preclude me from speaking with her today, but I’m grateful to have captured voicemails from her. I’m thrilled to have secured the beauty of her voice in my heart…forever! 

Sacred is this day…and sacred is the soul of my Grandmother, who led me to the ONE I am assured is speaking with her now as she rests! 

While I await GOD’s eventual plan manifesting for my Grandmother, will you help me pray for her? I’d love for her to awaken and be completely healed, but I submit my will to GOD’s…!

Speak soon… 

In The Beginning

I’ve known for quite some time…okay since my last entry…last offering…that my next blog entry would be an emotional jaunt back to the beginning. Where exactly is the beginning? The chicken or the egg! Ha! Silly, huh? And completely irrelevant.

In other words, the trial or the testimony? Or a sugarcoated formulation of the truth? Which one to offer as together we travel back in time…

What informs my choice with this entry is this…that 8thirtytwo is a sanctuary of sorts. A place of freedom. And in this place of freedom, we’ll only experience vast levels of liberty if depths of raw truth are rendered…shared…if complete transparency reigns! Irrespective of discomfort… Nothing sugarcoated… Just the unadulterated truth!

So, for me, what comes first is the lack of him…!

To begin with the lack of something/someone…to communicate deficiency first is counterintuitive to me, but this is my truth and warrants…begs…to be told.

This is the beginning for me…

The lack of him…

Him.

Him?

My Dad!

I don’t know him. I didn’t know him until I was introduced to him as a child. What I remember of our extremely succinct meeting…is he was gentle, affable. At 30 something, James Bernard Hatchett was ill…battling leukemia…but he was in amazing spirits. He purchased a Ms. Pac Man board game for me and gave it to me shortly after we met.

(Side Note~ Oh my goodness…I’m just realizing…in real time…my affinity for Ms. Pac Man – the video game. I’ve never noticed a correlation before now. Wow!)

Okay so…He shared with me, during our meeting, his favorite Gospel song, which was Rough Side of the Mountain. Then, he flew to Seattle for treatment and never returned. GOD called him home. I was eleven!

I don’t recall much about his funeral. I just remember the expansive family car provided by the Funeral Home. I marveled at the fact that I was privileged to ride in it. I remember the solemn minister extending the tightly, very meticulously wrapped American flag, that draped my Dad’s casket, to my Paternal Grandmother during the grave side service. Sometime later, I wondered why the flag wasn’t given to me…my Dad’s only child.

Then nothing… Nothing. I don’t recall what happened immediately following the funeral.

There are no more memories to share.

We met. He left. He did not return.

I didn’t know him before eleven. I didn’t get to know him beyond eleven. I would not appreciate the immense depth of his absence until much later. I didn’t know at eleven that, as an adult, from year to year, I would miss him so terribly on Father’s Day…this man I never knew. At eleven, I couldn’t have foreseen as a woman how much I would wish to have his opinion concerning my choices in men.

I just wanted to talk to him.

How could I… Why would I desire to have a conversation with a man I never knew? Still, his opinion, I thought would have been invaluable. Perhaps he could have cautioned me against some of the pitfalls I would eventually face. Maybe I could have been held by him…warmly embraced like a Daughter who knows her Dad loves her.  To know I was definitely loved and that he was tremendously proud of me would never come. The Daddy / Daughter interaction, rapport building would not materialize for me, though I am grateful that GOD allowed me to meet him.

This is the beginning…

Still, there is so much more to share. This piece of my heart…the baring of my soul concerning my Dad is overwhelming. For now, I need to step away from the keyboard to sit at GOD’s Feet as HE again comforts my heart over the loss of something/someone I never had…

GOD, You, and Me again…real soon!

GOD + Me + You

Greetings Love!!!

This is my inaugural post! Well…inaugural…meaning the first entry-first blog post for 8thirtytwo. I suppose I could utilize this opportunity, this privilege to welcome you here! You are, indeed, welcome here! I’m so thrilled you’ve decided to join me! I’m not certain how often we’ll meet here, but it will be frequent.

You’ll find that I possess an affinity for the use of exclamation points! Seriously, I really do! I’ll try to moderate my excitement, as our journey together is just beginning and it promises to be quite the adventure! Anytime a truth is revealed…anytime layers are peeled back…anytime I decide to share the intricacies of my life, adventure awaits! Truth is imminent…and where there’s truth, freedom abounds!

So, pull up a chair. Prepare some matcha tea…YUM! Perhaps some coffee, if you like. If nothing else, all I require is you…GOD is already here, and this endeavor will be so much fun, so fulfilling for all of us! GOD and me and you in this space…!!!!!

Meet you here again real soon❣️